I wish I could talk to Rulon!

Boy, this journey toward healthy is one that takes people to some dark places, huh? Watching Biggest Loser Season 11 last night my heart was wrenched in two for Rulon Gardner. Here was this massive Olympic wrestling champion who had been on the top physically and then had sunk to the bottom. Trainer Jillian Michaels was chatting with him, trying to get to the bottom of why he'd allowed himself to go so low. He couldn't answer. All he could say was he was still seeking, still searching for something, even though he had it all (career, beautiful wife, etc.). Jillian pushed a little more and finally he said he was still looking for "true love", even though he'd found what he thought was true love in his new bride. He admitted to eating healthy during the day and then binging at night after she had gone to bed. (And unfortunately, from the trailer for next week's episode it appears that habit is one that's dying hard for this big guy! Been there, done that, my friend!)

Jillian, of course, tried helping Rulon find what he was looking for within himself. And, for a trainer, I guess those are the words you would expect to come from her. But, I was shouting at the TV, "JESUS! Rulon, you need JESUS!" Whoa, there, Jill! Gettin' a little worked up about a reality TV show, aren't you? I was. I truly was. But something in the desperate look in Rulon's eyes sparked an urge inside of me that I've never felt before while watching someone on television. I knew what he was searching for because I recognized that look. He was searching for JESUS.

Now, I know that sounds so cliche. But, when I say that I mean, he was searching for the significance, the sense of self-worth, the TRUE LOVE that only comes from knowing the One who created you in the first place. Rulon is desperately seeking Jesus, and he doesn't even seem to know it. I wished I could share some of Jesus' truth and love with Rulon last night sitting on my couch next to my husband. I had this earnest desire to reach out to him. My heart ACHED to let Rulon know that Jesus is what he's looking for and He's so easy to find. I wished I could've shared with Rulon the words that my good friend and accountability partner shared with me today. She even had it written out on an index card for me to read and meditate on while I walked/ran on the treadmill. Psalm 9:10: Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, GOD, have never forsaken those who seek You. It's right there! If Rulon would turn his heart toward God, He will not forsake him, He will allow Himself to be found.

It kind of reminds me of playing Hide-and-Seek with my 5-year-old. She loves to hide, but she really loves to be found! She'll hide in the easiest to find spots and giggle until I give up my "search". If it takes more than a few seconds she'll start giving me clues such as hooting like an owl. She's hiding, but not really. What she truly wants and revels in is to be found! Isn't that how God is with us?! We think He's so hard to find but he's giggling, shouting, and leaving clues. He loves for us to find Him. He makes it so easy to find Him. The only reason we can't find Him is if we're not looking for Him. As I'm beginning my journey in seriousness, I'm facing a lot of truths about myself. Like Rulon, I've spent a lot of time trying to find acceptance, peace, and love in a lot of things besides God. And, I KNOW Him.

This is such a reminder for me that I have a powerful tool to aid me in my endeavor. I have the love, the strength, and the power of God to get me through. Jesus loves me unconditionally regardless of my success or failure. He is my reason for getting rid of unhealthy habits and adopting new ones. And, He is my helper. Another verse my friend, Katie, gave me this morning was Psalm 54:4 which says, "Surely God is my help; the LORD is the One who sustains me." In Jesus we find everything we're looking for: true, unconditional love; peace; acceptance; and even help to make it through our toughest battles. When I finally realize and believe this, then I can, like Ben Ward said to his wife Olivia on the same show last night, walk up to whatever wall I'm facing and say, "You are not going to win over me!" My prayer today is that Rulon and I will both learn to seek Jesus instead of food!