Thursday, March 31, 2011


Guys, I am so discouraged and disappointed with myself. Maybe you read yesterday's post about my hard day. Well, I thought I had done so well making it through that day without going off the plan. THEN came the evening. Alyssa and I were still struggling a bit because she just isn't feeling herself. Jeremy ended up having to work late and I had to miss my weekly Bible Study. None of these things are big deals at all. But, after the day I'd already had...things were falling into place for a major stray. And, the thing is, I KNEW IT. I should have called my friend, Katie. I should have called Jeremy. I should have prayed. But, I did none of those things.
This is the kind of thing I say to myself after a failure. But, I'd eat this cake!  
Alyssa requested Tyson Chicken Nuggets for dinner. And, I knew she wouldn't eat six of them. But, how many did I make? SIX! argh. Then, she asked for some tortilla chips. And, again, I put more in her bowl than I knew she'd eat. Well, long story short...I ended up finishing Alyssa's nuggets (probably half of least!) and her chips. Then I went to put away the bag and just opened it up and ate some more. In the end I probably had 8-10 chips before I finally said, "STOP!" and closed up the bag.

Oh, man, I was doing so well. Over a week and a half and I had not strayed one little bite from the NO sugar, gluten, grain, or dairy diet. Can't say that now. And, I tell you, I was tempted at that point to just give up and eat some more. Maybe even pour myself a big glass of Coke, with lots of ice. Somehow, though, I realized at that moment I had a choice. I could continue to slide into the abyss or I could NOW call someone who would hold me accountable. I called Jeremy. He encouraged me and suggested I also call Katie. I was embarrassed. But, I knew it had to be done. So...I texted her. Yes, I texted her. Didn't even have the guts to say it out loud. When Katie got the text she called me and spoke truth to my heart. She read scripture and told me not to be embarrassed. She reminded me of how well I'd been doing and promised she wasn't going to let me throw it all away. WHY oh WHY didn't I call her before eating those nuggets?

The thing is; I don't even like Tyson nuggets. I do like chips...but I don't like the nuggets! So, why? At this point the questions, the self-blame, the shame, they're all useless. What I need to do is get back on the wagon and determine to learn from this mistake.

What have I learned? To call for help BEFORE eating those unhealthy foods. To pray. To read words from the Bible that will give me strength. And to NOT GIVE UP, even when I've messed up. And, so far today, I'm back on track. I carefully measured my almonds, walnuts, and raisins for breakfast and I feel have a renewed determination. But, I'm also aware of the fact that there are going to be times when it seems impossible to refuse those temptations. I can't do this relying on my own strength...obviously. So, I need to keep those tools in place that will keep me on the right path.

Now, I know that misery loves company. And, believe me, I don't ask this just to make myself feel better. But, can you tell me about a time when you failed in this area and how you handled it? I'm sure someone else could benefit from reading your encouragement. And, I KNOW I will! Thanks so much and I'm glad I finally got this post out. I've been putting it off all morning. I just didn't want to tell you all about my failure. So, thanks for hearing me out and loving me anyway! LOVE to you!!!


  1. Jill,
    Big Huggs :-)
    First of all let me say this .... You are in NO WAY a failure. I can so totally relate to this situation. Reading this made me think about my own life and the failures and setbacks that constantly come along my path. I could actually write pages about my own experiences, but I will keep it short. You did better than I would have done ... I would have not set the bag of chips down until they were all gone. The thing to remember is that no matter what God loves us and is always there for us, no matter what.

  2. Thanks for relating, Tricia! I know we all have missteps along the way. They are discouraging. But, I guess you're right. I have to remind myself that I didn't go as far off track as I would have in the past. And, the best news is that God loves me and does not define me by my successes or my failures. You either! LOVE to you, my friend!

  3. You already heard my BIG FAILURE story today, but I wanted you to know that God uses our failures to help draw us closer to him!! It helps to know that everyone makes mistakes... You're doing a GREAT job Jill, don't let one mistake get you down. Keep your head held high and hold God's hand, He will see you through each day, (each minute if need be). ;-)

  4. You are not a failure. I am on Day 6 and am really struggling with my carb cravings. Only two things are keeping me strong at the moment: my 5 pound weight loss and knowing you are going through this too.

    Aunt Flo is here and I need/want/desire carbs. We went to a spaghetti supper on Sat and all I ate was the salad (w/o croutons!!!). Yesterday we went to church in Peoria and the kids asked to eat at Olive Garden. I must be a glutton for punishment because I agreed and had to watch them eat Zuppa Toscana and bread sticks while I ate the salad (w/o croutons or cheese!!!). I gave myself a treat of strawberries and pineapple this AM.

  5. Thank you so much, Becky! And, Meredith...way to go! 5 lbs in 6 days is pretty awesome. And, you made some great choices in the light of some heavy temptations! You deserve that fruit...and so does your body! Guys, thank you for your support and for traveling through this thing with me. I know it's the only way...but it's SO tough, huh?